During Making Things Happen Atlanta, I said something that almost knocked me over. I felt the words come out of my mouth like someone else put them there.
“Life is too short to keep apologizing to myself . . . for not being a full-time Mom.”
Wow.
Who says that? And what does that mean? Before Brady’s birth, I planned and planned ways to mesh together my roles as Mother, Wife and Designer. Not to mention Friend, Daughter, etc. I was ready. But suddenly, the week before I was due to return from maternity leave, I burst into tears. I cried and told my husband I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go back to the work I loved. I loved Brady too much and I wanted to be a full-time Mom.
No one knows that.
At first he was stunned. Then he listened. And realized what I was going through. This new love had found its way into my heart and had set up CAMP. The fear we faced for ten months, coupled with the postpartum emotions, multiplied by a chubby little hunk of goodness changed me. My little heart was like a pie – certain slices had been reserved by certain parties. None to be shared or borrowed. That afternoon, I cried my face off, quite literally, while I walked six week old Brady in his stroller around our neighborhood. Extra large Audrey-Hepburn sunglasses can’t even cover those tears. I just knew it was absolutely, positively impossible to love anything else other than this little boy. Especially as much as I loved my work. There was no way TWO things could occupy my attention, my love, my focus at one time. I remember thinking that everyone around me would think I was choosing work over Brady if I continued. I remember thinking… what will everyone think if I give in to this overwhelming, stomach-turning feeling I have right now and let it all go. What if I packed up all those late nights, all the sacrifices, all the tears, all the celebrations, all the paper, all the Pantone chips and turned off all the websites. What would my everyone think of me? What would Brady think?
And that was the only question I needed to ask myself. Lisa, my dear friend and Brady’s Godmother, talked me off my little postpartum ledge that afternoon. Lisa is an amazing full-time mom (to adorable, adorable little five year old Kirsten). She helped me realize one of the single most important realizations in my life and career thus far. She helped me marry together my loves – blend all the pieces of my pie. She helped me define my un-apology – the words that formed that day and didn’t find their way out of my mouth until four months later in a room full of (then strangers) friends in Atlanta.
I am finished apologizing to myself for not being a full-time mom…
… because my work fills my cup and allows me to give even more to Brady. We’re all so different and find our fill different ways. For me, I have found that doing the work that makes my heart sing… it makes me the best Mom I can be. As mothers (working, stay-at-home, work-from-home, single, married, whatever), we are teaching our children life’s most valuable lessons by the choices we make. Dedication, persistence, big-dreaming. Lisa told me that day, “Because you have followed your passion, Brady will watch you create something from it. That is so valuable, Emily. Think of what he will do with that kind of inspiration and example.”
And I cried some more.
Being a mom of ANY sort is the most important job there ever was. Becoming a new mother means facing head-on a lot of new feelings and emotions that don’t just creep up gradually. Oh no. They boil up and smack you in the face when you’re least expecting them. Good ones and tough ones. That afternoon, as I sobbed and pushed Brady around my neighborhood and spilled my feelings to Lisa, then my sweet Mom, then Bryan… I found my footing and my place. God instills values and abilities in us all – to be used in different ways and through different channels. Until we learn to marry them all together and define them all by one giant purpose – no matter what choices we’ve made regarding work and family – we can’t find our true footing and that true centerdness.
And it was on that day that I realized why I do what I do. My life’s purpose (as a designer, a mother, a wife, a friend, a stationer, a mentor, a teacher, a blogger, a writer, a brand creator, a daughter, a Christian, and about ninety other things) is to build. (Lara I will never be able to thank you enough for eliciting that word out of me in Watercolor, Florida in December of 2009): to build a family full of character and priority, to build a home full of love and tradition, to build memories on experiences and challenges, to build brands and businesses out of passion and authenticity, to build children into admirable adults who give and teach, to build products that make women feel special and in control, to build simplicity into the lives of women determined to do it all. My mission is to serve my family with my gifts and to help other women simplify, build and grow.
And a little secret, Emily Ley (the brand) has grown up. And this is it. In the next few months, I’ll be unveiling a new everything. New products. New websites. New services. New logo. New brand. New headshots. New collections. When I think about this unveiling, it doesn’t make me anxious or even want to shout it from the rooftops. It makes me stop and breathe and smile. Discovering and weaving my passions – including my role as a mother and my life’s true purpose into this brand… well, the new Emily Ley brand just fits like a knit-sweater. Comfy.
xo
Emily
Image by my favorite Gina in the world. Gina Zeidler.
So eloquent Emily.
Love you like crazy, Emily Ley. I can NOT wait to see your new everything.
These words are SO SO moving! You are one heck of a Mom and I look up to you SO much for being so passionate and 100% in the moment of whatever you are doing. You are talented and life changing to so many people you touch, including me! :)
Proud of you. In more ways than I can count. Proud of you for being you. Proud to call you a friend. Proud to call you a mentor. Proud of you for doing what makes your heart sing.
I adore & love you Emily Ley.
Hi Emily,
I just wanted to give a whole-hearted thank you and HUG to you right now after reading your beautiful words. I sincerely NEEDED to read them tonight. I feel like you literally took every thought in my head, feeling in my bones, and string around my heart and reflected into one perfectly poised speech full of inspiration and honest to goodness love. Thank you for this. Thank you for helping me feel the same peace and comfort in letting go and being me and not apologizing for my made up inadequacies. I struggle every day with these same things. I have done the Audrey sun glasses around town dozens of time. Heck, Ive done it in my own house without being in public! I am a first time momma as well to a spunky little 16 month old, a domestic diva, and full time housewife, partner, sister, daughter, and child of God. With so many roles to take on and one creative yearning that boils inside of me daily, it is easy to get lost between the roles. To feel estranged and disconnected. But reading your words just reaffirmed everything I have been praying about and everything my gut has been telling me all this time. I am currently diving into my own small, creative start-up business here in Texas. It has been overwhelming planning every detail, trying to brand ourselves, trying to pay the bills, and still be an amazing mom and wife. But I know in my heart of hearts, I am a better mom and wife and Christian not in spite of these things — but BECAUSE of these things. I like to keep singing this to myself: “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine…” Let it shine in so many ways that it can’t help but light up every other thing around me in good ways as well. I am excited to see your unveiling! You and Lara Casey are inspiration role models to me. I just discovered your business after trying to tap into the southern weddings industry here in Texas and I am just smitten with what you guys do. Your passion and creative expertise is unrivaled and simply contagious! Don’t ever let that change!!
xo,
Kirbi
Emily,
This post is simply beautiful! Thank you so much for putting it all out there. We are all trying to find our true footing and centeredness, no matter where we are in our journey. And knowing we’re not alone makes us that much stronger.
You are an amazing designer, mentor, friend, and most importantly a truly amazing mother. Congratulations on finding your peace and balance. And thank you for your encouragement!
I loved this post Emily and so true. Though I love your logo and will be sad to see it go. I’m sure the new one will will be even better!
Honestly, I am not passionate about stationary. I like it, and I like writing on it, but I don’t love it the way some people do. I don’t know first thing about branding. I’m not a mother (yet!). And I’m not even sure where to begin with my own business.
BUT – I love your writing, your passion, and the way you lay it all out to make it seem not even close to perfect, yet somehow better than perfect. If that makes sense. Thanks for your clarity!
Thank you Emily for your honest words. I am the owner and sole photographer for my business- Leslie Walker Photography. I am also pregnant. I’ve been feeling so much anxiety recently with trying to ‘plan’ what my life will be like to have my business and my baby living in my home… both of them wanting and needing my full attention. Thank you for your inspirational words. I have a feeling I’ll be coming back to this post once the baby gets here! Love your work Emily!!
Wow, these posts brought tears to my eyes! Thank you so much for your kind words. I read and re-read this after I posted it… thinking… I cannot believe I just told the world this. But it was such a real moment for me. I think even if we’re not mama’s yet, we can totally relate – trying to do it all is tough. But the truth is we don’t have to be it all to everyone 100% of the time. So grateful for you ladies!
Emily
Thank you thank you thank you for writing this post. Thank you for being so honest. Real. Pure. I am not a mama yet, but this post hit home. Because one day when we have beautiful little people, I want to keep working and living out my dreams and teaching our little ones that if you work hard, follow your heart and stay faithful to yourself, it is all worth it. That is what you are doing for Brady. So you go girl! You are a wonderful inspiration for all of us non-mamas and mamas out there. xoxo.
Sweet, sweet Emily… We’ve never met. I was able to attend MTH Vegas and you were attending to more important things at the time. But this post – this honesty – this beauty just changed me. I cannot thank you enough. The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of guilt. Of chains I latched onto myself because I wasn’t just being a mom. Thank you for speaking life and truth into yourself and then sharing it with others. I cannot tell you how much this rocked my heart. And how grateful I am…
Emily! I love, love, love this post. And I love, love, love where you’re coming from here.
I can’t wait to see what you’ve got in store. It’s bound to be amazing – just like you.
xo,
Whit
Emily- This post touched me so deeply. As I have had a summer of major emotional ups and downs (my grandfather just passed away, my mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor this summer)I have so wanted to throw in the towel and just say I can’t do it. You are such a motivation to me and what I aspire to be as I look down the road of motherhood. You so have this and are so showing Brady so many values that will make him a stronger man. I love you and love what you stand for…
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Not sure how I missed this post, but it’s wonderful. Lots and lots of love. You’re an example to others as well (raising hand)! And a beautiful one at that.
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